Season Twelve

By Babs

Season Twelve unofficially started with National Pro Wrestling Day on February 2nd, which included CHIKARA and all the Wrestling Is companies. They each sent representatives and presented a match. The CHIKARA match featured 3.0 and the Colony against Los Ice Creams and F.I.S.T.

The next weekend was CHIKARA’s Season Premiere. It started with All the Agents and Superhuman Crew in Reading on February 9th. In the main event, Archibald Peck finally got his revenge on Mr. Touchdown by beating him in a no disqualification match, causing Veronica Ticklefeather to leave him afterwards. Tim Donst practiced his barbering skills on a very unwilling Jakob Hammermeier, while the F.I.S.T. team of Sugar Dunkerton and Icarus continued to have communication issues. Eddie Kingston had a literal run-in with Director of Fun Wink Vavasseur, creating even more tension between the two men.

The commotion of this show carried over to the next day’s event, While the Dawn is Breaking. Saturyne and Touchdown started the show with an excellent Young Lions Cup defense. Mike Quackenbush and Incoherence (collectively known as Team Frightening) failed to get revenge on deviANT, The Shard, and Jigsaw. Sugar called out Dasher Hatfield to explain he didn’t want to be in F.I.S.T. Sugar tried to convince him exactly what kind of person Touchdown really is, but Dasher wasn’t interested in reuniting and became infuriated that Sugar would bring his family into their problems. Wink freed Soldier Ant from GEKIDO and offered him a group of his own to lead. Peck and Donst started their three match series, and in the aftermath, Veronica joined Donst and he would threaten Gavin Loudspeaker. 3.0 cashed in their three points and defeated the Young Bucks to bring the Campeonatos de Parejas back to CHIKARA, becoming the second team in history to win the titles twice, with the first being the F.I.S.T. team of Chuck Taylor and Johnny Gargano.

In sunny Florida the next month, at Just Shadows in the Fog on March 8th, 3.0 would make their first successful title defense against the Devastation Corporation, thanks to old-fashioned tag team strategy and a little bit of cheating. Quackenbush was again denied revenge against Jigsaw and The Shard in the opening tag team elimination match, but Icarus and Sugar started to act like a team, winning the match and scoring their first point. The crowd actually cheered for Icarus during this match. Ophidian attempted to destroy the soul of Amasis, but before he could, the Madjai appeared to stop him and chased him out into the crowd. Soldier Ant’s new squadron, the Colony: Xtreme Force debuted. Missile Assault Ant, Arctic Rescue Ant, and Orbit Adventure Ant quickly made an impact, but Soldier was already annoyed with their antics. Veronica debuted a new, edgy look and Steven “The Turtle” Weiner sounded quite enamored with her on commentary. Kingston took on Amazing Kong and beat her, but his anger boiled over, as he became frustrated with the fans chanting for Green Ant. King was supposed to defend the Grand Championship against Green the next day in Orlando, at The Watchmaker. The match would be postponed to Battle Not With Monsters on May 3rd because Kingston would injure a tendon in his hand after getting drunk and punching a mirror in his hotel room.

The Watchmaker started with Eddie Graves versus Oliver Grimsly. Grimsly would later join Sinn Bodhi’s Odditorium. Soldier led the Colony: Xtreme Force in battle against the Batiri and, after the match, Amasis attacked a vulnerable Ophidian, getting a little revenge, before chasing him to the back. Hammermeier had a breakdown during his match with Hallowicked and blamed him for Donst’s behavior and taking away his friend. Speaking of Tim, he took on Peck once again. Veronica got knocked down accidentally by Archie during the match and Turtle attacks him and joins up with Donst’s motley crew. In the main event, 3.0, Gran Akuma (the trio also known as Booyakuma), Dasher, and Green Ant took on Icarus, Gargano, Sugar, Max Smashmaster, and Blaster McMassive and we saw F.I.S.T. disintegrate further. Gargano’s disdain for Sugar was on plain display.

The Shoulder of Pallas took place on April 6th at WrestleCon and the crowd was the largest in CHIKARA history, at around 1,200 fans. It drew fans from all over the area and around the globe. The Devastation Corporation, the Throwbacks, the Batiri, and a returning Spectral Envoy team of UltraMantis Black and Blind Rage faced off in an elimination tag match. The Batiri won the match and earned their third point. Amasis and Ophidian were supposed to wrestle, but the match got pushed back to Aniversario due to Ophidian’s knee injury. The Batiri attacked Amasis, but he was able to fight back and poison Ophidian with his own venom. The F.I.S.T. quartet of Taylor, Icarus, Gargano, and Sugar beat 3.0, Akuma, and Marty Jannetty after Icarus made Akuma tap out to the CHIKARA Special. F.I.S.T. continued to splinter apart. After Gargano fouled Jannetty, Icarus slapped him, as Jannetty is one his heroes. Icarus also shoved Taylor after the match and declared that Sugar is part of F.I.S.T. However, Icarus was upset at the dissention and blamed Sugar for it. Peck and Donst had their final match and at the end, Gavin tried to convince Jakob and Company that Tim didn’t care about them. Donst lashed out at Gavin and cut off a piece of his hair. Soldier and the Colony: Xtreme Force faced off against the Colony and Frightmare, who won the match after Missile Assault Ant took off Frightmare’s mask. Kingston defended the Grand Championship against Wicked and more fans turned against King. In the main event, Quack teamed up with a mystery partner, who turned out to be Jushin Thunder Liger, to take on Jigsaw and The Shard, the Pieces of Hate. Quack would finally get his revenge. Thunder and Lightning would win after Liger hit a super brainbuster on Jig. After the show, as Quack was leaving, he was given an envelope by a man in an NPA hat. NPA stands for No Private Army, which is a blog that focuses on conspiracy theories, corporations, and privatized military organizations, like Condor Security and the Titor Conglomerate. Right after the show, Quack was removed from the roster page and the Wrestle Factory was split from CHIKARA.

It was confirmed at the next show, May 3rd’s Battle Not With Monsters that Quack was fired by Wink Vavasseur, but no reason was given. The first half of the show was hosted by Donst and Company. We discovered that they attacked Gavin and locked him in a closet. He got out in the middle of the show and took over announcing and hosting the show. The Colony and Los Ice Creams versus the Batiri opened the show with an entertaining match. deviANT took over as leader of the Colony: Xtreme Force, as Soldier Ant resigned from CHIKARA during an edition of the Event Center. His first duty was to lead them into battle against Booyakuma and they won after hitting Akuma in the back with Arctic Rescue Ant’s snowboard. Amasis defeated The Shard in his return match. Peck prepared for his Grand Championship match against King by taking on and beating Jig. The Spectral Envoy beat F.I.S.T. The miscommunication between the F.I.S.T. members got worse and battle lines were drawn between Gargano and Taylor and Icarus and Sugar. However, Gargano’s frustration boiled over and he quit F.I.S.T. Green Ant finally got his Grand Championship match with Kingston. It was an impressive defense and King left North Carolina still the Grand Champion.

After taking on a submission specialist in Green Ant, Kingston took on and defeated Touchdown in a hard-hitting encounter the next day during The Ghost of You Clings. 3.0 also defended the Campeonatos against the Batiri. Shynron made his debut against Taylor and was victorious. The Pieces of Hate beat the Colony. Sugar lost to Akuma, partially because of Icarus’s “attempts” to help. He was embarrassed in front of his hometown fans and had enough of the F.I.S.T. philosophy. Sugar quit and declared himself a free agent. The Colony: Xtreme Force beat the Spectral Envoy and Green Ant after Missile Assault took off his own mask and framed Mantis. Donst continued to abuse Jakob and it’s clear Hammermeier is close to exploding. Saturyne beat Donst and during the match, Gavin came to ringside to cheer for Saturyne, because Tim has Turtle, Veronica, and Jakob with him. Donst snapped and attacked Gavin, then cut and ate his hair. He later had his stomach pumped. Gavin was taken out on a stretcher.

Two weeks later, CHIKARA brought back the Tag World Grand Prix in Chicago on May 18th. The teams in the TWGP included the Baltic Siege, the Young Bucks, the Spectral Envoy, the Colony: Xtreme Force, the Bravado Brothers, the Batiri, the Daywalkers, Zero Gravity, the Colony, Los Ice Creams, the Devastation Corporation, the Submission Squad, AC/DC, Saturyne and Heidi Lovelace, the Pieces of Hate, and Da Soul Touchaz. The Pieces of Hate won the tournament by defeating former Campeonatos the Young Bucks. Afterwards, they gave a speech and announced they would cash in their points at Aniversario: Never Compromise. Icarus defeated Colt Cabana, giving him momentum going into his upcoming Grand Championship match. Kingston beat Peck, after Peck was distracted by his doppelganger in the balcony. This distraction gave King the opportunity to backfist Archie for a third time. The lights went out and when they went back up, Peck had disappeared, presumably returned to Chikarasaurus Rex: How to Hatch a Dinosaur to lose the fall in the “Loser Must Leave CHIKARA” match and closing the loop in the timeline.

At Aniversario, some conflicts came to their conclusion, while others left open ended questions. The Envoy beat the Colony: Xtreme Force. The Colony and the Devastation Corporation continued their feud, which started at TWGP after they fought to a double count out. Amasis finally got his revenge against Ophidian in a sarcophagus match. In the end, Amasis demasked Ophidian, revealing he was wearing an Amasis mask underneath. Gavin beat Donst in their Hair versus Hair match, after Hammermeier snapped and knocked Donst out. Jakob, Turtle, and Veronica abandoned Donst and after shaving his head, he left alone. Sabato came out and revealed a compromising photo of Titor Conglomerate executives. Wink came out and ordered the CHIKARA referees to remove him from the building. The Pieces of Hate became the new Campeonatos and Icarus came close to beating Kingston for the Grand Championship. He had King in the CHIKARA Special, but before his hand could drop for a third time, Condor Security came out. They removed Bryce, Icarus, and King and carried them to the back. They ordered the audience to leave and tore down the staging, and Peck could be seen on the stage as well, along with a strange tableau of Gavin lying motionless on Ophidian’s casket while Doc attended to him. In the middle of the chaos, as the shocked CHIKARA fans chanted and refused to leave, Wink sat calmly eating an apple. The abrupt ending of Aniversario was surprising, but no one, not the fans nor the locker room, could anticipate that the next day CHIKARA would be shut down and the rest of Season Twelve’s shows would be cancelled by the World Wide Media Development Corporation and their parent company, the Titor Conglomerate.